Monday, November 26, 2007

in memory of...


Uncle Neil.


My uncle passed away this morning. It was not unexpected as he had been ill for a long time, but it doesn't make it any easier. It's just so final. Death. Dead. We try to lessen the severity of it with phrases like "passed away" or "no longer with us", but it's the same. He died. He's dead. It just sounds so harsh.


I was thinking of him yesterday as I watched the Grey Cup. I've never watched football on tv before, and I realized that the sound of the game triggered memories of him. Throughout my childhood, it seemed any time we went to their house, I could here the sounds of a football game coming from his tv room. He had his own little room in the basement with a big puffy recliner and football paraphenalia adorning the walls.


I should have visited more. We went to the hospital several times, but of course in retrospect I wonder why we didn't go more. I suppose because it's uncomfortable to see someone as such a shadow of their former self. The first time I saw him after I returned from China, I was shocked at his appearance. So skinny! He'd always been kind of heavy, and now he looked frail. One day visiting him, he mostly slept as we sat around his bed, talking amongst ourselves. I leaned over to give him a kiss goodbye and realized I had to be gentle. Little me, 5'3", 115 lbs, had to be careful not to hurt a 6' something grown man.


He was a nice man. My thoughts and love go out to my aunt and the rest of his family. And I know that whenever I hear a football game on tv, I will think of him, healthy and happy, sitting in his big chair, the sounds of his cheers and shouts reaching upstairs as we ate ice cream in the kitchen.

Friday, November 23, 2007




Thursday, November 22, 2007

passing time


first break is almost over. i'm enjoying a coffee and whole wheat raspberry scone. Mm-mm.


i have absolutely nothing interesting to say. i'd tell you about our job shadowing yesterday, when we listened in on phone calls. that was quite interesting. but it's all top-secret, confidential info, and if i told you i'd have to kill you. or perhaps the canadian government would have me killed.


break is over.



It's 8:20 and our instructor still hasn't shown up. Too bad this isn't like school when the class would just all decide to leave if no teacher arrived.


Darn, she's here now.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007



Yet more sound effects for you. That's the sound of a head full of mucus exploding. Niiiiiiiice.


I have got the most unbearable cold today. The pressure in my head is so harsh that even the weight of my glasses resting on my nose hurts. My forehead is bulging, the bones in my skull beginning to separate, eyes about to pop.... any second now my whole head will erupt, splattering everything in the vicinity with sticky sinus cavity slime. My eyes will dangle from a single vein, eye sockets oozing with snot.


Oh, what sweet relief it will be!

Monday, November 19, 2007



That's the sound of me falling from grace.


"Look at me, I'm so clever, I got 100%, I'm a brainiac, lalala". Oh Amanda, don't you know that snooty attitude is guaranteed to have karma give you a solid smack upside the head?


We had our 2nd test - a much longer, harder test - and I made a real mess of it. It's like I had a big pile of sticky porridge for brains. Ugh, so frustrating. I guess I'll find out tomorrow just how terribly I did.


Now it's break time. I think I'm going to do a quick crossword to make myself feel somewhat cognitive.

Friday, November 16, 2007

break time


So here i am, doing one of the few things i can do on my break. Sipping coffee and surfing the blogs. With a game of Free Cell on the go too, of course.


I'm all proud because I got 100% on our first test. Yay me. I'm a dorky student once more!


Damnit, i feel like i had things to write but now that i've put fingers to keyboard, i'm drawing a blank. Perhaps my subconscious has something to say. I shall just close my eyes and let my fingers type...


You hoo, amanda! This isn't your subconscious, it's just you typing with your eyes closed.


OOH! Look at that! Not a single typo!!!


Let's try again, see if it was just a gluke. Maybe you should write some less common words. Like quiche. Or albatross. Persnicketty. Circumlocutious.


DAMN, I'M GOOD! Oh wait, i misspelled "fluke". I screwed up fluke but wrote circumlocutious correctly? Weirdo.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

You don't say!

So, the jackass finally emailed me today. A week and a half after standing me up, he sends me a note entitled "I'm a shit". Thanks for the newsflash, Captain Obvious. I had already come to that conclusion quite a while ago. His message: Blah blah, I'm sorry, blah blah, I mean it, blah blah, i thought i was ready, blah blah and a dash more blah. Yawn! Borrrrrring. I've really had quite enough of your inner turmoil and angst. I thought you were supposed to be raising teenagers, not acting like one. I have not replied to his tiresome message. I have a couple of things to collect from his house, which I will do when it's convenient for me.

Generally I like maintaining friendships with people that have come into my life, even when just for a brief time. But I have no interest in being friends with such a waste of time. The only melodramatic, perpetual screwup i want in my life is ME!



Oh wonder of wonders, msn spaces isn't blocked! I may not be able to check facebook or personal emails, chat on messenger, play text twist or surf YouTube, but i can blog! Yippee, something to do on my breaks!


Um..... nothing really happening at the moment. Just going to go back to my game of Free Cell. Perhaps grab a second cup of coffee. Wow, these break updates are going to be fascinating.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


That's about all that will come out if i attempt to speak today. Another heavy day of fascinating manual reading. The majority of the day was fairly good actually. We took a test that i felt pretty confident about, went through some new things that i caught on to quickly, had a nice long lunch where they fed us soup and sandwiches.... and then things hit a wall. We had reached saturation point and no more information could be absorbed. I looked at the page and stared blankly at all the acronyms and coding. BPC, LFA, ELWW, NWE, NERE, D9-06, BPNE-1, BR=$300... WTF. oh wait, i know that last one. Hoo... brain no compute no more. It didn't help that our instructor was also fried and making mistakes. Everyone started slipping and getting different numbers for different reasons and forgetting this and that and coming up with all sorts of wrong answers that confused the rest of us and the teacher and and and..... Argh!

Tonight is our regular pub trivia night. I don't reckon I'll be much help.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

4 days down

Work was unbearably boring today. Read read read read read the boring manuals. I could hear myself screaming in my head "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!" and it took all my will power not to bang my head on the desk. All the acronyms and coding and legal jargon! Get me out of here before i snap!!!

And then we got to leave at 3:15 because we were all zombies. Suddenly all was wonderful! I'm home at 3:30! I can take the boredom! I'll learn the jargon! I shall let you brainwash me! Lalalalalalalalala!!!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

check it out...

new job title! i can't wait for the business cards, haha.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

The End - Part III

Thankfully, "The End" is just a trilogy, and we finally find ourselves in the last installment! It took a while for this final chapter to be released, but there's no rushing a good, solid conclusion. And this is most definitely concluded.

So, a quick recap: The End, Part II left off with our heroine Amanda getting dumped by a nice, confused guy who had muddled feelings for his ex. However, unbeknownst to our readers, the story really didn't stop there. In fact, some crucial facts were withheld. For although the relationship had been ended, the night was not over. If our surreptitious narrator had opted for full disclosure, you would have known that the two lovers returned to the home of our confused man, and our lovely leading lady did not leave until the next morning.

The next day, ie: only two days after the dump date, Amanda received a casual "just saying hi" email from her uncertain ex, and the two resumed their regular messaging habits. This continued for several weeks, his flirtation level escalating, things seeming to be reverting to how they were before the split. And one day, after several "we should catch up" comments, the pair finally did meet up.

This brings us to the "second chances" entry below. To sum up his main points: i made a mistake. i was scared of getting close, i convinced myself i wanted something old and familiar, but that is long over.
i want to move forward. i hope i haven't blown it, please give me another chance.  And as you know, there were reservations. But our gal Amanda is very forgiving, always wanting to believe the best in people. So she hesitantly moved forward. Things seemed okay, but time and consistency were what was needed.

The date: really nice. comfortable. the spark was still there. But.... Time and consistency. "Can I see you Saturday?" "Sure"

There, all caught up and settled in for PART III.

Thursday the date was confirmed. Chill out and rent movies. But Friday brought a sense of unease. Amanda has a very good instinct when it comes to these things. She had a feeling, for whatever reason, that Saturday was not going to happen. Her friends told her not to jump to conclusions, but she knew, just knew how it was going to unfold. She sent a text message "are we still on for tomorrow?" on the off chance that her intuition was wrong. But of course it wasn't. Never is.
Did she get a reply? No. And within an hour, it was crystal clear that history was about to repeat itself.

Saturday: No text. No phone call. Nothing. A friend called around 1 - still plenty of time for him to call - but Amanda knew it wasn't going to happen, so when asked if she had plans for the night, she automatically said no. And a good thing too, because that phone call never came. Oh, so deja vu! Totally predictable, and yet unbelievable at the same time.

Fear not, gentle readers. Our optimistic little Amanda may not have learned a lesson from her last experience (at least not enough to have avoided this unpleasant scenario altogether), but she was prepared. So this time around she is not plagued with questions of "why?" or "what happened?", and no sense of loss squeezes at her heart. Angry, of course. Frustrated, yep. Relieved, definitely. There will be no more messaging. There will be no more flirting. There will be no more catching up over drinks. There will be no more chances.

And so, patient and faithful readers, that brings us to the end of "The End". At last!!! Rest assured that our plucky heroine is doing fine. And shall resume speaking in the first person shortly.

Friday, November 2, 2007


teetering on that fence i'm sitting on. definitely leaning to one side. i predict an unpleasant fall, a brief moment of recovery at the bottom, annoyance that i even climbed onto the fence again, then walking away for good. a breeze is rustling the trees not far off.... it will be enough.
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