Tuesday, February 9, 2016

separation anxiety

i knew the day had to come eventually, but that doesn't mean i'm any more prepared for it. a few months ago i felt more ready than i do today. right now i feel panicky and scared and needy. i don't want to go back to work tomorrow.

i can't believe the year is up already. what a crazy, emotional, amazing year. i've experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows. in the first few months there were days i was so overwhelmed with darkness... but thankfully i had the support i needed to get through it. i have met many wonderful people and made lovely new friends. of course the most wonderful of all is my dear little daughter. i never knew such true, all consuming love until her.

i had all these things i was going to write about, but now i'm drawing a blank. i'm trying to think of some positives about going back to work. i won't have to pack up a bag full of diapers, wipes, extra clothes, snacks, etc in order to leave the house. i won't have to inhale my lunch, burning my tongue because there's no time to let it cool as she might wake up any minute. my clothes won't have cereal or yogurt on them within 20 minutes of getting dressed. i'll be able to the bathroom alone. i'm sure there are others. but all i can really think about is all the stuff i'm going to miss. our morning coffee at starbucks, walking to the library, taking her to play groups, going on afternoon play dates, watching her with her little baby buddies. the cuddles, the kisses, the smiles and the laughs. she is growing and learning so quickly, every day i see something new. but now i feel like i'm going to miss it! i know, it's not like i'm going on a one way mission to some distant planet, i'm just returning to work. but i'll go from seeing her all day to only a few short hours. i'll miss my baby!!!

i always assumed separation anxiety referred to something the baby went through. now i know the truth.

post-nap bedhead and smile
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