Thursday, February 21, 2013

sick thoughts (and probably a misleading title)

i'm at the stage of sick where i sort of feel drunk. do you get that? i do. i can't focus and it's like i'm way down a blurry tunnel and sort of just watching all woozily. look at those fingers typing at the keyboard. i think they're mine!

i don't really remember going home from work yesterday. i remember saying i didn't feel well. and i remember trying not to fall asleep on the bus. and i remember flopping on my bed fully clothed when i got home around 430. i vaguely recall blair asking if i was going to get up, sometime around 7pm, and me mumbling that i should, i just wanted another hour. and then when the hour was up being unable to move, and barely managing to get out of my clothes and into pjs.

all night i dreamt about being asleep and unable to wake up. i dreamt people were trying to rouse me but i was just dead weight and my body kept toppling over and crashing to the ground.

blair called in sick for me in the morning because i could barely put two words together. "work... phone". Sixteen hours after initially falling asleep, i finally got up. i'm mostly sitting or wandering around in a fog. i'm sure i talked to my mom this morning, but that memory is already hazy and dreamlike, even though it was just a few hours ago. i can't remember the details of the conversation.

and now i'm writing this blog, to make sure i'm really awake. it reminds me of a time i sat at an EasyEverything internet cafe in Edinburgh and wrote a drunken email at 2am or so. although right now i am aware enough to correct my spelling mistakes. but i don't feel right. i feel loopy. i'm using lots of will power not to talk gibberish and to keep my thoughts cohesive. otherwise i'd run off on tangents and just say the fragmented bits and pieces in my head. tangents. math class. mrs innes. splinter. david's teenage mutant ninja turtle van. my fingers are cold. i'm too sick to make that bread pudding and we don't even have the milk.

ok, i stopped typing for a long time and just stared. if i was at EasyEverything i would have had to put another couple of pounds in the machine. Do they still have EasyEverythings? And what about Yo Sushi? i liked those beer taps at the table. and what was the name of that alcopop i loved so much? it was clear and grapefruity and so yummy. Something silver. not many pubs had it. The Bank carried it. that was the same place where apparently my phone number was written on a menu. i got a few weird calls....

those fingers on the keyboard don't want to type anymore. only 3 pm, too early to go to bed. time to go stare vapidly at the tv.

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