the dark ages

here's a joke for you, i made it up myself:
Q: how long does it take amanda and blair to change a lightbulb?
A: i don't know, but it's been 3 weeks and counting!


tsk tsk! i wag my finger at you!



ok, so it's not so much a joke as it is more a shameful factoid. but in our defense, it is a fancy lighbulb. it's in a floor lamp in our kitchen, and it's a weird shape that i've never seen before. quite honestly, i haven't even figured out how to get the dead bulb out yet, as it seems to be very awkward to get at. must be some special bulb created by the lamp-maker and they don't sell bulbs separately. we'll just have to buy a new lamp.

ok, to be really 100% honest, it's been a tad more than 3 weeks since we needed to replace the light. it's been a couple of years. once upon a time our kitchen had a ceiling light, like all other kitchens. there was a lovely fixture with a strip of halogen bulbs. very sleek. but the lights kept burning out really quickly and it seemed there must be some deeper problem with wiring or the like. i don't really know the story, it was a few years back. but for a long time we had a ceiling light that didn't ever work. and then a pipe broke on the 2nd floor, leaked through the kitchen and the light fixture (along with some cupboards) came down to get at the issue. that was some time in 2009. instead of the big job of repairing the ceiling, cupboards and light, i just stuck an old floor lamp in instead. let there be light! that lamp, given that it was 91874619 years old, eventually broke, and we replaced it with a better lamp. and all was well again (minus hole in the ceiling and missing cupboards).

then the damn bulb burnt out and now we ( = blair) race to get dinner ready while there is still daylight. but some days we just don't make it, and we maneuver around the kitchen with a flashlight. it's really terrible. "is the chicken done?" "can't tell.... shine the light over here".

we keep saying we'll get another bulb, but we only ever think of it at inconvenient times. like when we end up cooking in the dark.

what we really need are night-vision goggles!

quotationfingersipadwifistarbucksblahblahstuff

i'm bored, and have nothing really to talk about, so don't expect any kind of theme or common thread that holds this all together. i'm just going to do a stream of consciousness type entry. which will most likely be a mess since my thoughts are pretty lame and fragmented.

i like using quotation marks. actually, to be more accurate, i like misusing quotation marks. i don't care if it's in print or quotation fingers when talking; the more i do it, the funnier i think it is. it doesn't matter what the sentence is, just throw some quotations in there and suddenly people will wonder about your meaning. i'm thirsty, i'm going to have a glass of "juice". "juice"?? what does she mean? what is she drinking? you all wonder. yeah, i know i have you doubting the authenticity of my juice. and if you put a whole phrase in quotation marks, what out! after my "juice", i'm going to "brush my teeth". clearly this must be some cryptic euphamism! hahahahaha.  "ha".

*my mind wanders; eyes fall on a disc sitting on the desk*

so we can't figure out how to get our stupid wi-fi to work. blair's parents gave us their old one and it seemed to be set up right, but something is wrong. we turn on the ipad and our network comes up, we type in the password, it says we are connected.... but then when we try to bring up the internet, or any of the web based apps, it says we're not connected! wtf?! and the stupid ipad doesn't come with any instructions because it's just sooooooooooooo easy to use. grumble grumble. so now i have no choice but to walk across the street to starbucks to use the ipad. yeah, i'm one of those people. sipping my coffee, tapping on an ipad, showing people how cool i am. look at me, tap tap sip tap tap tap swoosh swoosh sip swoosh. maybe next time i'll also bring in some obscure text books to highlight, and wear my hair in a messy bun with a pencil in it to complete my image. yeah, i'm focused and studious, yet hip and artsy. but i'm edgy because i drink regular coffee, none of that fancy shmancy half caf extra foam soy milk chai-mocha-latte-cino crap.

*my mind makes a few rapid connections to get to....*

in high school my friend Allie and i used to have fake arguments in ATM vestibules to make the other person/people in there feel awkward. wait... i've written about that once, years ago. man, i'm so out of material i'm posting reruns? short version: we'd have non-specifics fights that even we didn't know what they were about. example:
 'are we going to talk about this?'
 'i'm through talking.'
 'you act like you're the victim in all this.'
 'oh, and i suppose you think i'm to blame'
 'drop the indignant self-righteous bullshit, you know what part you played in this mess!'
 'i had no choice! YOU left me no choice!'
and so on. it was fun. but i told this story once before, so moving on.

i'm sleepy now. i just sneezed twice. the two things aren't connected... i don't think. are they? do i sneeze when i'm tired? i never really paid attention. now i'll have to pay attention to see if there's any correlation between them. i'll keep a sneeze journal. i can put together charts and graphs, mapping out the times and frequency of my sneezes, anayzling the results and determining if any patterns exist. i could do my "work" on the ipad at starbucks! see what i did there? i pulled the whole thing together.

damn, that's "good" writing.

back from la-la land

my mind is now clear enough to write about my little ordeal the other day. thursday started off as any other day. i went to work, had a couple of cups of coffee, and aside from feeling quite tired, there was nothing to set this day apart from any other. went to the blood donor clinic in the morning. they asked all the usual questions; no i haven't used intravenous drugs, had sex for money, or handled any monkeys. they pricked my finger, iron levels good, it's a go.

"nice juicy vein" i'm told by one of the staff, as my blood fills the bag. i stare at the white board working on the anagrams they put up to keep us entertained. beep! the machine lets them know they've got their pint. wow, 7 minutes on the button, that's got to be my record. i head over to get my juice and doughnut, and the lady asks how i'm feeling. fine, just fine. then i casually mention that i got a little head rush - just like when you stand up too fast - but no big deal. at least so i thought. she rushes out from behind the counter, tells me to sit down, put my head on the table. i'm saying no no, i'm fine, really, but she's shouting out for ice and before i know it two nurses have wheeled a gurney over and are insisting i lay down as they place cold clothes on my neck and forehead. of course everyone in the clinic is watching as the nurses wheel me into the corner and feed me my juicebox. so embarrassing.

back at work, i notice i'm feeling not quite with it. it seems hard to focus my thoughts, i feel somewhat distant, and when i type an email it is riddled with typos (pretty much every word gives me trouble). i tell myself that if i don't feel any better by lunchtime, i'll head home. but i have my lunch and feel fine. about 2 hours later, i suddenly feel dizzy again. and then a bit queasy. and then instantly nauseous. i run to the bathroom and throw up. the rest of the afternoon is a bit of a blur. i remember sitting in my supervisor's office as people brought me water and called the health line. it was like i was watching it all from afar. i could hear myself talking but wasn't quite in control. "i feel like i'm drunk.... only without the fun" i hear myself say. everything is somewhat dreamlike. i wouldn't have been surprised to see psychedelic colours spiralling about or cartoon birdies singing to me. i throw up a bunch more. a friend drives me home and i spend most of the night laying vapidly on the couch.

the next morning, after a long night's sleep, i feel ok and go to work. but after lunch, that same dopiness has taken hold and i can't concentrate. it's a freaky feeling, this disconnected, trippy, waking dream state i'm in. i feel i only have a tenuous hold on reality, i am more asleep than awake, and i am quickly slipping further away. i go home, crawl into bed, and fall into a deep, deep sleep. four hours go by and i'm only awoken by the phone ringing. with difficulty i pull myself into consciousness and force myself out of bed.

i had another early night and now i am feeling myself again. i don't think the blood giving was the cause though, it was probably just a bad combination of several factors. clearly exhaustion being one of them. thinking back to the events of those two days, it seems surreal. who needs drugs? just lose a bit of sleep and a bit of blood and off you go to la-la land. side effects may include disorientation, talking nonsense, and vomiting.

 it really wasn't fun, despite what my dorky photo implies, and i don't recommend it

this is not an update

oops, i've been slacking on my blogging. meh, hardly surprising. i go through phases of being all keen on writing and every little thing seems like something with anecdotal potential. and then there are the slumps when nothing seems worth mentioning. and as you can see i'm in one of these slumps.

i don't have the creative juices at the moment to jazz up my entries with charming witticisms or poignant imagery. but i do like making lists, so with the help of my trusty bullet points, here's the gist of... i dunno... stuff.

• my little niece said she loved me, without any prompts or bribery. i almost exploded it was so cute.
• i finally got my hair dyed so i don't look like a crazy old lady anymore. just crazy.
• i'm currently sitting with a towel on my head and it's been on for way too long, causing my hair to dry in a chaotic mess. this is why i end up looking like a crazy person.
• i bought a lotto ticket and didn't win. i was shocked.
• i've taken to watching way too much junky tv for no apparent reason. even the tacky fluff shows, the cookie cutter crime shows, and the i-don't-even-find-this-remotely-funny-so-why-the-hell-am-i-watching-it shows (millionaire matchmaker, criminal minds, and the big bang theory, respectively). my mind has clearly gone to mush.
• i bought a new book from the bargain section. hopefully this will drag me out of my reading lull.
• my work hours have been moved back to 8-4 so i get home in time for jeopardy once again. phew, another piece of my nerd puzzle back in its place.
• my boyfriend got an ipad2 for his birthday. so far it's just being used as a very expensive game of Angry Birds.





that's all i can think of really. and that was a stretch. but whatever, yay for pointless lists!

• i'm ending this entry now
• then i'm going to go get a sparkling grapefruit pop. yum yum yum.