Thursday, April 14, 2011


i'm bored, and have nothing really to talk about, so don't expect any kind of theme or common thread that holds this all together. i'm just going to do a stream of consciousness type entry. which will most likely be a mess since my thoughts are pretty lame and fragmented.

i like using quotation marks. actually, to be more accurate, i like misusing quotation marks. i don't care if it's in print or quotation fingers when talking; the more i do it, the funnier i think it is. it doesn't matter what the sentence is, just throw some quotations in there and suddenly people will wonder about your meaning. i'm thirsty, i'm going to have a glass of "juice". "juice"?? what does she mean? what is she drinking? you all wonder. yeah, i know i have you doubting the authenticity of my juice. and if you put a whole phrase in quotation marks, what out! after my "juice", i'm going to "brush my teeth". clearly this must be some cryptic euphamism! hahahahaha.  "ha".

*my mind wanders; eyes fall on a disc sitting on the desk*

so we can't figure out how to get our stupid wi-fi to work. blair's parents gave us their old one and it seemed to be set up right, but something is wrong. we turn on the ipad and our network comes up, we type in the password, it says we are connected.... but then when we try to bring up the internet, or any of the web based apps, it says we're not connected! wtf?! and the stupid ipad doesn't come with any instructions because it's just sooooooooooooo easy to use. grumble grumble. so now i have no choice but to walk across the street to starbucks to use the ipad. yeah, i'm one of those people. sipping my coffee, tapping on an ipad, showing people how cool i am. look at me, tap tap sip tap tap tap swoosh swoosh sip swoosh. maybe next time i'll also bring in some obscure text books to highlight, and wear my hair in a messy bun with a pencil in it to complete my image. yeah, i'm focused and studious, yet hip and artsy. but i'm edgy because i drink regular coffee, none of that fancy shmancy half caf extra foam soy milk chai-mocha-latte-cino crap.

*my mind makes a few rapid connections to get to....*

in high school my friend Allie and i used to have fake arguments in ATM vestibules to make the other person/people in there feel awkward. wait... i've written about that once, years ago. man, i'm so out of material i'm posting reruns? short version: we'd have non-specifics fights that even we didn't know what they were about. example:
 'are we going to talk about this?'
 'i'm through talking.'
 'you act like you're the victim in all this.'
 'oh, and i suppose you think i'm to blame'
 'drop the indignant self-righteous bullshit, you know what part you played in this mess!'
 'i had no choice! YOU left me no choice!'
and so on. it was fun. but i told this story once before, so moving on.

i'm sleepy now. i just sneezed twice. the two things aren't connected... i don't think. are they? do i sneeze when i'm tired? i never really paid attention. now i'll have to pay attention to see if there's any correlation between them. i'll keep a sneeze journal. i can put together charts and graphs, mapping out the times and frequency of my sneezes, anayzling the results and determining if any patterns exist. i could do my "work" on the ipad at starbucks! see what i did there? i pulled the whole thing together.

damn, that's "good" writing.


Anonymous said...

I am an art critic and I find your illustration GENIUS

Laoch of Chicago said...,2817,2362319,00.asp

Al Penwasser said...

I LOVE fake fights! Once, when I was coaching a girls softball team, I stormed out to the pitcher after she walked the bases full. When I got there, I told her that everyone in the stands was going to think I was mad at her (even though I wasn't). I told her to shake her head sadly while I waved my hands around like a lunatic and point my finger at her and the ball she held in her hand. Then, I said (smiling-but nobody could see), "I'm going to thrust my hands on my hips and stalk away."
The other team thought she was rattled, I told my shocked team in the dugout that I was fooling around.
Yep, we won the game. And hadda lotta fun.

Chelle said...

I sneeze when it's sunny out. What do you make of that?

manders said...

chelle: actually a friend of mine sneezes when it's sunny too. so you're not special, sorry.

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