i'd beat jesus

...in a who could live longer competition. oh sorry, is that sacrilegious? am i offending people? pfft, lighten up.

sigh... another year older.

birthdays aren't as much fun as they used to be. no more roller skating parties, pin the tail on the donkey, pointy hats and noisemakers, or loot bags with chintzy gifts. sniff sniff... yeah, those were the good ol' days.

 i remember one year, probably when i was in grade 2 or 3, scented erasers were all the rage. one of the pieces of "loot" at my party was this red eraser in a tube, designed to look kind of like lipstick , that smelled of strawberries. it was heavenly! all the kids loved that eraser, it was the most talked about loot of the year. for months after my birthday, kids could be seen at school, huddled behind their desks, sniffing greedily at their strawberry erasers. that was a good year.

for most of my elementary school years i had my parties at the Saints roller rink. and even though i was terrible on skates (still am), i loved having my birthdays there. there was a special "birthday room" where we'd sit to eat and have cake. it was near the front, and it was raised up so everyone would pass by and see how special i was.

in junior high i had murder mystery parties. everyone dressed up in costumes and tried to ferret out the killer, all while enjoying angel food cake and raspberries. those were fun too, except i always wanted to be the killer and never was.

in high school i was the first one to turn 18 so a big boozy house party was in order. and back in those days it didn't require much to get a buzz... just a few sickeningly sweet coolers/alcopops and i was "drunk". woohoo! i'm an adult; getting older is awesome!!

of course not all birthdays have been that fantastic. there was my 19th: that terribly lonely birthday i spent on the other side of the world. no phone calls from friends or family, no birthday wishes from caring co-workers, no one to have so much as a birthday drink with me. i got home to a dark, empty flat. i spent that evening writing letters to friends back home, sipping jack daniels until i was utterly plastered, drinking straight from the bottle, and crying like a baby. yeah, that birthday scores low on the fun scale.

oh, so many birthdays. there were birthdays at clubs and there were birthdays in pubs. i danced on speakers; i fell off chairs. i've celebrated in canada, new zealand, scotland, and china. i can think back and remember every birthday i've had since i was about 6 years old. today, my parents, brother and sister each sang me the birthday song. i got lots of birthday wishes at work and on facebook. i got flowers from blair. tonight, i'll trudge through the freshly fallen snow (oh so much of it!), have a few beers with a few friends, and add another birthday to the list

.

jail tires me out

i left the penitentiary mid-afternoon, stepping out to one of the most beautiful days i've seen in ages. i took in deep breaths of air, relishing my freedom. it was over. thank god it was over; i don't think i could have lasted any longer. thinking back, it wasn't so long ago that i entered the joint - nervous, scared, heart pounding - yet it felt so much longer. but that didn't matter now, it was all behind me. it may have been unpleasant, but i would try to learn from the experience. mentally exhausted, i drove back to the city, the prison slowly disappearing into the distance behind me. it had been just over an hour.

i had a job interview at our penitentiary. i hate interviews, regardless of location.

it's too cold when...

ah, january in winnipeg... you think you're so tough? you think you shock me? you think i can't handle you?? tut tut, you do this every year. you're so predictable.

i was walking home the other day, and when i blinked, my eyelashes froze together. ooh, good one winter, you're so strong, i'll never be able to unstick my eyelashes. pffft, please. and you can't fool me, even though it's so cold it feels like i've forgotton to put on pants, i know they're there, overtop of my long johns. oh, oh noooo, don't throw that windchill factor at me! -45, exposed skin freezes in 3 minutes. blah blah blah, as if have any skin exposed. eyeballs aren't made of skin, so ha!

yesterday the washing machine overflowed. water and bubbles everywhere, cascading across the kitchen floor and into the hallway. of course, january's patented "freeze the pipes" move. so cliche. so we haul out the gear, pour hot water down the pipes, sop up the water that is quickly turning to icy slush on the cold tiles, aim space heaters at the wall... and wait, unphased.

old man winter.... such a grumpy old bastard. i can't wait for him to take his teeth out and go to bed for the season.

pick on someone your own size

at 5'3", it's not often that i'm taller than anyone, but it does happen occasionally. and when it does.... well.... it's just weird. my brain feels confused at the downward angle of my eyes and the view of the top of someone's head. what's happening here? it thinks. are you standing on a step? is that person in a hole? this is unfamiliar and disturbing, do something to make it normal! slouch, sit down, back up a few meters, anything!!! i get all awkward knowing i'm taller, it's all i'm aware of, and i suddenly feel like a lumbering giant. i want to be nonchalant about it. oh? there's a height difference? i hadn't noticed. but oh god, they can see it in my eyes; they know i know they're shorter than me!

the other day in my kickboxing class i got paired up with a girl who must be 4'11", tops. ok amanda, be cool, act natural. we introduce ourselves and i try to pretend that i can't see over her head. subconsciously, i hold back a bit on my kicks and punches. after all, i'm a towering amazon, she's a delicate little flower. sadly, although perhaps not surprisingly, she kicked my butt. i like to think we probably have the same amount of strength and power, but hers just seems more intense because it's concentrated into a smaller package. yeah... that's definitely it. i could totally take her if i were her size.

intoxicated accomplishments

sometimes i surprise myself with how competent and coordinated i can be when drunk. i'm not talking threading needles or building a house of cards, but feats of dexterity nonetheless. last night was blair's work holiday party, and the wine was flowing! the end of the evening is a blur, and i only vaguely recall stumbling to bed. in the morning there was the brief moment of panic until i confirmed that i brought home all the essentials - purse, new shoes, mittens. i also notice that i had the presence of mind, not just to remove my jewellery, but to put it back properly. my earrings were still in a pair, and that oh so delicate necklace was hanging up where it belongs. i thought for sure my clumsy drunken fingers would have fumbled an earring or broken that fine chain. but no; all is well! i didn't lose anything and i didn't break anything. I'm amazing!!

i had my nightshirt on inside out and backwards, but hey, no one's perfect.

pompoms are for pansies

my original title was going to be "pompoms are for pussies" but i blushed and realized i was too much of a pus -- pansy -- to write that. plus, that may bring in visitors on false notions of what this site contains. wait a second... i don't have any visitors. i want people coming to my blog; sketchy perverts welcome! sigh... my blog is like a ghost town, just the occasional tumbleweed blowing through. ooh, if only i could work that into a customized theme.

back to the point. i have these fairly ridiculous winter boots, with both zipper pulls broken off and replaced by key rings to keep them functional. yes, i am ingenious, thanks for noticing! yeah yeah, cheap too. less thanks for noticing that. anyway, they took about 3 hours a boot to put on because of all the damn lacing up that was required. plus, each lace tip ended in a pompom, which although cute, was excrutiatingly impractical because the laces always caught on each other, swirling together in a bola like tangled mess. so finally i chopped 'em off. adios pompoms! i feel much tougher in my pompomless boots. i tramp through snowdrifts and forge through raging storms. I'm an arctic survivalist, outta my way!!

on my home today, through a haze of blustering snow, I scowled at the slow moving woman in spike-heeled boots walking in front of me. squeak squeak squeak went the pointy heels into the snow. My boots would be across the bridge by now! as we reached the other side she stopped and backtracked, realizing she had to use the stairs to get down. Ha, move it princess! my boots can go off-roading. or off-sidewalking, whatever. i would never have felt so ferocious with pompoms on my boots, no sirree.

yup, i'm a changed woman. all grit and power, and not a pompom in sight.

except for the one on my toque.

so far so good

woo, look at me go, two posts in two days! i sure am living up to my promise.

now i have to figure out how to "personalize" my blog. i can't just leave that default banner of the trees up forever. but i hate making decisions. especially epic choices like blog themes. i'll leave that for another day; don't want to overwhelm myself.

today is going to be uneventful. i stayed home sick yesterday and i'm still under the weather today, so i feel completely justified in being an unproductive lump. i'm going to watch tv, play Zuma, and maybe read my book. i can do that because i'm SICK. not sure how to justify it every other day....

the NEW blog

so, i'm all upgraded! time to get used to the new look... quite boring at the moment. i'll need to spice it up at some point.

i feel kind of sad that my old "spaces" blog is no more. i know all the content was transferred, but it's not the same. no more menacing finger pointy amanda, no more photos of the great wall or my less than great chinese toilet. no more out of date book lists or links to sites i stopped visiting. I started this blog almost 6 years ago; seems hard to believe! i remember sitting in my little chinese apartment and getting started, not knowing what to expect from this new "blog" craze. but it was the perfect way to share my experiences with friends and family. i was shocked to discover that strangers also enjoyed reading of my adventures. and you don't seem like strangers anymore :)

so i've promised to put some real effort into reviving this place. and i will. i won't be writing about living with mongolian nomads, getting arrested in a chinese military zone, or riding camels through the desert... but i'll find something. and hopefully you'll read it.