date from hell

after going to some lame movie that i didn't want to see, i try to salvage the evening.

how about beer and a couple games of pool? no, he hates pool. in fact,
he tells me, he hates all forms of games. anything and everything
remotely like a game, he hates. wtf? who hates games? "i know you like
games a lot, but i figured i'd give you a chance anyway" oh yay...
lucky me.

we go to a pub and he smuggles in some chicken he bought elsewhere. he
proceeds to tear into it while i watch in disgust as his face gets
greasier by the bite. shoving his mess to the side, he leans in toward
me, baring his teeth and asking if he's got anything stuck. then he
attempts a joke by yelling at the waitress that our table is filthy. i
cringe.

he tells boring stories about puppies, sipping his diet coke, his dull
pointless ramblings punctuated by lots of "golly gee"s and "oh boy"s. i
drink my beer and glare.

walking home he asks if he can kiss me. i say i don't think so. he asks
if he can see my feet. "nothing weird, i just want to look at them".
what do you mean nothing weird; that is fucking weird. so no.

he apologizes, says he doesn't know how to act on a date. he really
wants to meet a nice girl but gets so nervous and doesn't know how to
be himself. he hates his job, he's made so many mistakes etc etc. he
starts to cry and the night mercifully draws to its end.



okay, so that wasn't ONE date. that is a compilation of some of the
worst moments on my worst dates. but they are all completely, utterly,
and unfortunately, true.

thankfully, a few real gems of dates and a sense of humour keep me sane.