Thursday, May 18, 2006

Mood swings

Hoo boy, have I ever been an emotional wreck lately. Up down up down. Actually, more like middle down middle down. Middle is of course higher than down, but I don't think it could really be classified as "up".

I'm panicking about my job ending in September and the 'what the hell am i gonna do next' question. There's so much I'm trying to take in here and sometimes I feel it's pointless because I know they don't have a position for me when the term is up. And I don't want anyone to think I'm panicking about career because of the societal expectations pressing upon me. I WANT to get moving on a career.

My social life is dismal. I'm not even sure where to begin with that one. During the week I work, then come home and watch tv with my sister while we knit. Yes, I knit. And yes, I watch Grey's Anatomy, haha to whatever comments you're inevitably thinking of. I've recently started going to the gym, so that's some variety. Other than that... pfft. Wooowee, what a way to live out the last year of my 20s.

In memorium...
beware, it gets emotional

No love life, obviously. Plus, I just found out my ex is seeing someone, which really felt like a punch in the throat and a kick in the belly. I know I know, we both felt it was time to move on, I was okay with that, happy to be friends and nothing more. But... it still yanks on the old heartstrings knowing that it's truly done. I just can't help but think of the way we once were... perfect together. How do these things fall apart? I have to remind myself that the relationship wasn't working, we had long ago wandered off the path leading to happily ever after. But I find myself getting swept away in nostalgic memories, remembering us only at our best. The good times, the crazy in love times. There were many. I think of these better days and I can't help but cry. It's just so sad letting go, admitting that it's lost. He was such a huge part of my life, we shared so much... all of that is now just another finished chapter. No new memories will ever be made. Lost love is such a heartbreaker.

Anyway, time to take my heart off my sleeve and shove it back in my chest where it belongs.


Laoch said...

As to your career, i think your time in China is very valuable.  I would try and use it to find my way into a corporation that is looking to do business in China.  Those markets are so explosively valuable and you could be quite helpful to such a company. 
As to the other, meeting new people is the key component.  The more new people you meet the greater likelihood that you will come across someone worthwhile.
I hope next year will bring you bigger and better things.

Byllie said...

One thing i\'ve learned is that it is always easier to remember the good times and let them break your heart than to understand the reasons that led up to why you arent together - BUT there is a reason.
I take comfort in realizing that i value myself and my happiness more than just letting myself settle out of fear of being alone. 
You are a beautiful, intelligent, gifted and interesting person with a kind and loving heart, gentle and caring....i know this from reading have a warm and inviting personality.  YOU are someone who has so much to offer - and YOU deserve to be with someone who has equally as much to offer. 
You dont need to look for it - it will find you - and when it does there will be no question in your mind.... 
Dont forget - we all have been at this very place and i think it has more to do with our hormones than our situation.  lol.
im sorry i havent checked in often enough........i love reading your blogs and can relate and appreciate everything you are going through.  you arent alone.  TRUST me on that one.
Chin up - big hugs - this too will pass.

Jade said...

Hey! I think being \'Auntie\' is excellant! The kids can\'t believe that I\'m an adult- I like to show them that people thier parents age don\'t have to be boring, or not know about things they are into.
And I feel the same as the loach about china-- Everyone is looking for translators & teachers for adult chinese business\'... You would be perfect-- you wouldn\'t suffer from culture shock :)

mochi said...

Hey,  Just wanted to say that you\'re all right.  When you miss someone that much, it means you\'ve learned to let yourself be open to love.  Some people never get there.  It hurts, but it also helps you grow and get stronger.   Take Care - mc

Prince said... Well what to say, but if you want someone better, let me know. I\'m free and single open for dating or relationship.

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