wanderlust

With nothing special keeping me tied to Winnipeg, I can't help but feel the lure of the great unknown call to me once again. With the job ending in September, I've been contemplating my options. I sort of feel like going somewhere really obscure for no particular reason. Uzbekistan or Ghana or some other such unusual destination. Some of my travels seemed exotic at the time, but I feel the urge to keep pushing into more remote territory. Somewhere most people would never imagine visitng.

But how will I do this? It's easy to hop on a plane to England, Australia or Thailand without any plans, but it seems a bit trickier to be so impulsive when going off the beaten path. It'd be ideal if I could actually do some sort of work overseas, whatever that might be. Or I could just wander aimlessly.

I got an email from a friend of mine. She was biking (yes, pedal biking) across Europe and Asia. She's in Afghanistan now and is heading back to Iran soon. Crazy. And I thought I was adventursome.

Anyway, if anyone has any cool suggestions of places to go or knows of any special work/volunteer programs in developing countries... let me know!

Mood swings

Hoo boy, have I ever been an emotional wreck lately. Up down up down. Actually, more like middle down middle down. Middle is of course higher than down, but I don't think it could really be classified as "up".

I'm panicking about my job ending in September and the 'what the hell am i gonna do next' question. There's so much I'm trying to take in here and sometimes I feel it's pointless because I know they don't have a position for me when the term is up. And I don't want anyone to think I'm panicking about career because of the societal expectations pressing upon me. I WANT to get moving on a career.

My social life is dismal. I'm not even sure where to begin with that one. During the week I work, then come home and watch tv with my sister while we knit. Yes, I knit. And yes, I watch Grey's Anatomy, haha to whatever comments you're inevitably thinking of. I've recently started going to the gym, so that's some variety. Other than that... pfft. Wooowee, what a way to live out the last year of my 20s.

In memorium...
beware, it gets emotional

No love life, obviously. Plus, I just found out my ex is seeing someone, which really felt like a punch in the throat and a kick in the belly. I know I know, we both felt it was time to move on, I was okay with that, happy to be friends and nothing more. But... it still yanks on the old heartstrings knowing that it's truly done. I just can't help but think of the way we once were... perfect together. How do these things fall apart? I have to remind myself that the relationship wasn't working, we had long ago wandered off the path leading to happily ever after. But I find myself getting swept away in nostalgic memories, remembering us only at our best. The good times, the crazy in love times. There were many. I think of these better days and I can't help but cry. It's just so sad letting go, admitting that it's lost. He was such a huge part of my life, we shared so much... all of that is now just another finished chapter. No new memories will ever be made. Lost love is such a heartbreaker.

Anyway, time to take my heart off my sleeve and shove it back in my chest where it belongs.

I've got news....I'm pregnant!

Those were the exact words my friend used last night to tell us all her big announcement.

Oh, did you think it was me?? Hahahahaha. I'm such a trickster.

It's so crazy, I'm still in shock. She's the first one of us to have a baby. I was just barely getting used to the fact that all my friends were coupled off and most of them married, I'm not ready for this next step! I mean, getting married isn't that big a change really. But parenthood... wow. She's officially in grown-up territory. Very exciting and terrifying.

So what the hell is wrong with me? I seem to be perpetually stuck with the mentality of a 23 year old. All my friends are settling down, buying homes, starting families, and I'm... I don't know what I am, but it's none of that stuff. Oh well. I guess I'll be the crazy lady who insists on being called Auntie Amanda even though there's no relation. And I'll sneak the kids some Jolt cola when I visit so that they're insanely hyper and I can be grateful that I'm not the one who has to chase after them. And I'll give them noisy toys as gifts. And I'll tell them to ask their mommy where babies come from.  Muahahaha.....

"What's the matter with Auntie Amanda?" they'll ask. "Why doesn't Auntie Amanda wear grown-up clothes? Why doesn't Auntie Amanda have any babies? Why doesn't Auntie Amanda have a daddy to have babies with? Why does Auntie Amanda drink so much beer? Why does Auntie Amanda make me call her Auntie?" Oh, kids and all their questions. In the meantime, I'll try to focus on my relative freedom and my lack of real financial obligations. Hell, 23 is a good time... even 6 years into it!

blink blink....

Don't you hate it when you're the only one in a group not to get a joke? Now imagine that there are 400 people in that group, and the joke lasts 2 hours. That was my night yesterday. I went to something called Beer & Skits with my dad, the step-family, my brother and sister. It was a musical political satire. I realised just how little I follow politics. At least Canadian - and especially local - politics. I didn't know who 75% of the characters were or what the jokes were referring to. The room would be laughing hysterically and I would just repeat my mantra of the night: "I don't get it". Luckily, I wasn't completely alone in my ignorance, my siblings also spent the majority of the show staring ahead and blinking blankly.  Haha. blinking blankly. Blinky blanky. Sounds funny. Now that's comedy! Anyway, I still had a good night, amused to no end by my political ineptitude and sharing bewildered shrugs with my sister.

On another note, and because I know everyone is wondering, Stars on Ice was okay. You know how it goes, skate skate jump. Skate skate spin. Meh, nothing special.

JUST KIDDING! It was awesome, of course!!! And our seats were incredible, inches away from the ice. You could hear that wonderful swishing of the blades, and Kurt totally looked right at me. Yay!!! Now I've got a whole other year to wait....

Shhh...

Quiet, don't give me away.... I'm blogging at work. Oooh, I'm so bad!!

 

One of the other interns said he does it all the time. And look at me, working like a chump!

 

Oh, gotta go, meeting time. But I'll be back. I'm a real rebel now!