killing time

it's not a bad thing, is it? it's different from wasting time, and i
don't think i'm doing that. killing time is just something to fill the
space in the interim. but how long is the interim? what's at the end?

i know there's something better. i've had plenty of times where my life
is more than just a series of time filling activities. i've felt
electrified, impassioned, blown away by happiness! occasionally i still
have flashes of that.

don't get me wrong, i'm not unhappy. i think i'm a pretty happy person.
i have lots of fun, i laugh, the things i fill my time with are
perfectly enjoyable. sometimes i know it's superficial and lacking
substance, but as it's only a temporary measure, i see no reason to
upset the apple cart.

everything is fine. there are plenty of things that make me smile. my
heart may not be at bursting point all the time, but it swells often
enough to make me feel connected to life.

so let's not overthink things. i will appreciate and enjoy things for
what they are. and for now, i'll just keep coasting along. working
monday to friday, playing on the weekends, following a nice routine.
filling time, killing time, and waiting for something more.