so if you catch the evening news and see some moron wobbling down the middle of osborne st, then sloshing through an ankle deep puddle, that's me!
running late and hustling to catch my bus as usual this morning, and i notice two camera men set up at the intersection. one of the camera men says to me as i eye my bus across the street "that's sheer ice under that puddle, i'd take the long way around if were you. someone is going to wipe out". i become aware of the massive lake not far in front of me. shit, but my bus!! if i cross the other way first i'll miss the light and my bus for sure. maybe i can go the other way...
oh crap, it's slippery. baby steps, baby steps. the puddle stretches much further than i thought, a few car lengths past the bus before i could get around it. the bus starts to move, but there's no way i can cross the final lane. cars go around me as a awkwardly make my way through slush and ice, slipping and sliding. the bus is gone, and i'm still in the middle of the road, still faced with an immense waterway between me and the sidewalk. i have to get off the street, and i've come too far to go back. so.... straight through the puddle i go. my boots are completely immersed, my jeans absorbing filthy brown water up to mid-calf. one misstep and i'll be on my ass, a soggy, humiliated mess.
unbelievably, given my usual lack of coordination and grace, i manage to make it to safety unscathed. a bus pulls up 30 seconds later. people at the bus stop stare at my sopping jeans as i attempt to look cool and unphased.
all i hope is that this idiocy was not captured on film. with my ridiculous bobbly pom-pom tuque, i'm unmistakable!