Thursday, September 27, 2007

The end, part II

So I went on the dump date. I actually found myself strangely excited for it. But maybe it was just nerves. We changed our plans of going for coffee, to going for a stiff drink. Damn straight! He was there first, and I could tell he felt awkward. I kind of felt sorry for him. But not sorry enough to let him off the hook. When I arrived, i realized this wasn't about me getting dumped again, it was about making him step up and do it like a man, no matter how uncomfortable it made him feel.

After about 5 minutes of inconsequential chitchat, I decided to get the ball rolling.

"So tell me what's been going on. The rule tonight is you have to answer all my questions, and answer them honestly and completely". He agreed.

He filled me in on the crap with his kids, which was definitely much worse than I imagined. Job dissatisfaction as well. But let's cut to the chase buddy. What ELSE? The real reason we're here having this conversation. I already know, but you have to tell me.

So he did. And it was disappointing to be right, but cathartic as well. Basically, the cole's notes version: he really liked me from the start, saw potential, was excited and after a year of being single, felt ready to try for a relationship. Things were great, he felt really good with me, started to get close. And suddenly, getting close reminded him of the ex. Started thinking of her at times he was with me. Like having coffee and doing the crossword in the morning. And there it was. He wasn't over her after all. A year later, he wants to try to reconcile. Doesn't help that they reconnected recently, she has a relationship with the kids etc.

As much as it might be easier to be angry, I couldn't be. He was being truthful, trying to be fair to me. Maybe he could have done so sooner, and he wasn't without faults, but who ever does these things right? So yeah, disappointing to be runner up, but what can ya do? Gotta follow your heart, i suppose.

I was a breeze to break up with. Sure, I took a few jabs here and there, but that's totally acceptable. Overall, I was ridiculously supportive. What's wrong with me?? We ended up having very honest conversation, laughing, getting along like it was any other day. And I could see that was upsetting and confusing to him. There was definite conflict in whatever he was feeling. That made me feel a bit better. That's right, I'm fantastic, see what you gave up? And several times he shook his head and said he was probably making a huge mistake. But I don't believe he is. Staying with me when he had unresolved feelings for someone else would be the mistake. Because he would always wonder. Now he will have to find out.


Laoch said...

Being the bigger person is always a fine choice.

Kelly said...

He won\'t know what he\'s got til you\'re gone...

Jade said...

whew!  what a night for you... I hate that I am so supportive & easy about things also..... but I have not been the one to \'step up & be honest\'... and so he is left hanging - knowing in his heart why, but not truely knowing that I knew what was going on.

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