low on material

I saw the movie Music & Lyrics last night. It was cute. A total chick flick of course, but still sweet and funny.

Going to the movies always reminds me how much I hate popcorn. That's right, I hate it. So much so that I had to write a blog denouncing its evils. My tongue starts shriveling up in a panic at the thought of those dry little puffs clinging to the it like barnacles, my teeth ache with the imagined kernels and husks wedging between them. Choking... gagging... oh god, I need some Coke!

YOU DISGUST ME POPCORN!!!!

I don't know why I have such an intense loathing for it, but my revulsion increases as time goes on. I cringe if it's offered to me. Vile, vile, stuff.

Hanging with the stars

Some movie is being filmed here with Dennis Quaid and Ziyi Zhang, so naturally I've been hobnobbing with the celebs. A few weeks ago, Ziyi and I went to a hockey game, and last night Dennis and I partook in some Mardi Gras festivities. Yep, good times.

...Okay, so Ziyi and I didn't go to the game together, but we were both still there. And I didn't quite clink glasses or chat into the wee hours with Mr Quaid, but I did see him from just a few metres away, which was still kind of neat.

So as you can see, this extravagant, jet-setting lifestyle I've been leading is totally exhausting. I was completely justified in skipping my kickboxing class today.

I need a book

I finished the Time Traveler's Wife and now I don't know what to do with myself. It was a fantastic story, I highly recommend it. I finished it at about midnight last night and couldn't sleep after. I didn't want it to end, didn't want it to be over, for Henry and Clare to have nothing more to say. Sometimes I feel so sad and empty when a book is done. I think about the characters and mourn their loss as I close the book and tuck it away on a shelf.  I will have to reread it some day, and give them life once more.

But for now, does anyone have any suggestions? I've been on a reading kick lately and if I take too much of a break I'll slide back into idleness and zombified tv watching. Noooooo!

Good word

(n) hamartia - the character flaw or error of a tragic hero that leads to his downfall

Mine is indecision.


I've had arguments because I couldn't choose between Taco Bell or Taco Time.
I keep new clothes untouched and with the tags on for a week, just in case I change my mind.
I once laid out 10 identical paintings and spent 2 hours selecting which one I liked the best. The hills were a tad flatter in this one, the sun burned slightly brighter in that one, the camel's foot hovered a few millimetres off the ground in another.

And those are just the little things. It drives people crazy, I know. But I can't help it.

Oddly enough I've been able to make some pretty huge decisions without much fuss. When I was 20 I decided to go visit a friend in NZ, and a week later I was there. I moved to China without hesitation or qualms.

But lately I've felt more aware at how debilitating this ambivalence is. Often, I'm truly indifferent, and I don't want to make a choice because that would imply I favour one option over another. I can't choose which Taco joint to eat at, because they're both slop anyway and I have no opinion as to which slop I want. However, a lot of the time I'm obsessed with making the right choice. Do I really want to spend money on this shirt? What if I find a better one or a cheaper one? I would hate to get that painting home and realize that all I can see is how the camel's foot doesn't quite touch the sand dune. I don't want to make a mistake!

I think the reason the focus is on the small stuff, is because I manage to avoid major decision-making. I just coast along with whatever job is on the table, not doing anything to rock the boat. If I think about changing course, the possibilities of the unknown consume me as my head fills with "what ifs", and the infinite variations of potential futures overwhelm me until I feel nauseous.

For now I'll coast. I'm content. I'll struggle through decisions on whether to buy the ugly pink boxing gloves or the ugly green and orange ones. I'll be the last to order and then run after my server to say I've changed my mind. I'll stare at my cup for ten minutes debating between tea or coffee. I'll buy the same sweater in two colours because I can't choose which one I like best. Or I'll walk out with nothing for the same reason.

I know there will come times when I stand nervously at a fork in the road, wishing I could glimpse where each path leads. I just hope that when those times come I'm able to choose, take a step forward, and keep going. Each path leads somewhere, which is a hell of a lot better than wasting away at the crossroads.

A first

It's not like I think I've done it all. I know there are still some firsts I have yet to experience. And today I had one:

My first raise! Woohoo! I spoke to my boss today because I'd been offered a job with the provincial government. Better hours, more money, the usual. Unfortunately, it would also be heinously boring. I told him honestly that the job itself didn't really appeal to me, but it was hard to turn down such a substantial pay increase. I wanted to know what they would offer me to stay. Not just money, as I realized they would never be able to match gov't pay, but mostly in terms of job growth. I wanted something more interesting, more challenging, more fun.

So, my boss and I had a chat with the Big Cheese. And, to sum up, it was a very positive meeting. They both said how impressed they are with everything they've seen so far, that I'm so much better than the previous gal, they don't want to lose me, etc etc etc. All that feel-good, I'm-the-shit stuff. They said they would get me involved in other areas like event planning and festivals, and whatever else I wanted to explore. I felt reassured in the whole growth aspect. Big Cheese said he could definitely bump me up a couple grand. I just listened. Then the two of them had a private talk. When I spoke to my boss again, he reiterated how much he wanted me to stay. He actually said he'd be "devastated" if I were to leave. And then he said he'd talked the Cheese up another few thousand. It was more than I'd expected, more than the previous girl was earning after 18 months, more than some other employees were earning. They'd work out a bonus plan too, to get me some commission. Sadly, it's still less than the Provincial job.

But I'm staying. I've grown to like it there and I want to explore the possibilities. It definitely has more "fun potential" than the government, and that's got to be worth a few bucks. I think now that perhaps I shouldn't have accepted that initial offer, maybe I could have gotten more. It doesn't matter though. I'm surprised they offered as much as they did, and I don't want to push too much too soon. After all, I have only been there 4 months! It's really quite remarkable and extremely flattering.

I think that's the best part. I really felt appreciated and valued. I've never had an employer fight to keep me before - hurrah!!

I found it!

Well, technically, Jennie found it. But who







cares, it's found! Turns out I never got past the initial notion that I







should put it somewhere safe. I obviously thought it, then got







distracted (the computer looks the likely culprit), because my sister







found it tossed haphazardly on a chair in her room.







Oops.

Here are photos of some of my lovely birthday







loot.

  

LEFT: Balloons sent







from friend in NY, 30 roses from Mom delivered to work, and 80s trivia







from the girls!
RIGHT: Much missed Chinese milk tea and







hackysacks brought from Vancouver by Theran







 

Stars in Ice!







Row one - ON THE ICE!!!! From







Daddy.

I also got a great new







coat, and other things. But I'm really not fussed about the presents.







The best thing was having everyone there to celebrate with me. Party







photos to come... I just have to work up the nerve to post such drunken







images of







myself!

The dangers of a safe place

I hate safe places! What are they safe from? Apparently, they're safe from ever being found again. Choosing a "safe place" never seems grounded in logic or by following a rational thought process. At least not in this household. I remember once we put our bike lock keys in a safe place, only to be lost forever. Were they hanging with all our other various keys? Of course not, that wouldn't be safe.

Well, now something far more precious has been swallowed up by the safety of a black hole. My Stars on Ice ticket!!! I distinctly remember taking the card and saying to myself "I must put this somewhere safe". I only realized it was missing today because - get ready for EXTREME dorkiness - I was going to take a picture of it. Yes, I'm that lame. I was taking photos of my birthday flowers, balloons and other gifts. So of course I went into a frenzy, searching high and low for it, unable to find so much as a clue as to its enigmatic whereabouts.

Curses to safe places!!!

I'm not in right now, please leave a message

I decided to make a spot for comments unrelated to specific blog entries. Not that I get so many it necessitates an overflow area. Whatever.

Anyway, random notes, comments on my comments, comments on my lack of comments, etc etc, blahdeeblahblah... go here.

Crap, I just realized this is going to be like an answering machine that I'm always checking, only to woefully discover that I have no new messages. Just without the mocking electronic voice.

"You have no new messages on your blog. Nobody has anything to say to you. You're a loser.... Press pound for more options"

today in wpg

it's cold.

this was early afternoon, as nice as it's gonna get



This is now. It will get colder.

That's just not right.

I'm lame

Look, I'm my own friend. I don't know how that happened, I was fiddling around and obviously pressed a button inviting myself to be on my own friends list. I didn't accept it or anything, suddenly I was just up there. How stupid! So I went to delete myself from my friends list but it said that people who get deleted from the friends list no longer have access to my space. So I'm all paranoid that if I take myself off the list I'll somehow get blocked from my own blog! I know that seems ridiculous and impossible, but I wasn't willing to take the chance. Damnit, what a loser.