Friday, June 16, 2006

Dear Diary

Having nothing new or interesting to say, I've decided to go to my old diary for some blog fodder. So here it is, straight from the private journal....

Sept 15/04

I've been in China just over a week now, and it's been a week packed with highs and lows. That's a huge understatement. There have been moments here where I felt completely stupid and incompetent, I felt I would never get the hang of it and I just wanted to go home.

There was no training really, I just arrived here and was immediately thrown into classes. I was stressed out and didn't know what to expect or what was expected of me. I was angry at the school for putting me in the position where I felt like a fool and a failure and I didn't think I would ever know how to do things.

I was feeling pissed off at Theran because he was doing fine & seemed to be acting like he was an old pro at it. I know he said he was just trying to help, but he was coming off as a pompous know-it-all. I hated hearing him talk about his classes and how well they went and all the great things they talked about. All his kids were bonding with him, how nice. He's a natural at teaching, fan-fucking-tastic. I suck, nobody is giving me any real pointers, my kids probably think I'm an idiot and the worst teacher they ever had. Great.

I think the first couple of days were mostly spent in tears. Everybody would be in the teachers' lounge, busy chatting and planning lessons, and I felt so helpless and useless I'd just go around the corner to a tiny spot with a window where I'd try to hold myself together but usually ended up crying.

Anyway, somehow I made it through a few days. Some of the classes I did pretty much by myself, and a couple of times someone else would help out, even do the class as a demonstration for me. That helped a lot, to see how the class should be run etc. I knew I just had to get a week under my belt and I'd start to feel better. And I knew that the more practice I had the easier and better it would get.

To be continued..... (unless I suddenly get some excitement in the present tense - ha!)


Laoch said...

I hate that sink or swim kind of feelingYour journal looks like it would be pretty interesting.  Maybe you should turn it into a book detailing your time in China??

monty said...

I want to read more. Unlike Loach I don\'t want to pay for it. I particularly liked the swearing.

Marley said...

hey there.....thanks for the comment.  I really need to write a new blog, but I\'m sure no one is interested in grocery shopping and frequent trips to Walmart. 
Take care of yourself and I\'ll be back to visit very soon.

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