I feel very blah right now. I'm sick of feeling this way. There's a lot about living in China that I like, but right now I just want to get the hell out of here. Actually, is that even true? I keep saying there's lots I like, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I just keep telling myself that so I don't feel like I'm wasting a year of my life being here.
I'm lonely here. I hate not being able to communicate well. I hate not being 100% independant. I hate not having a big group of friends around. Sure I feel all proud when I have a minor conversation with someone, or accomplish some insignificant task. But I want to really talk with people again. I just don't have the energy to put in the effort that's required to live here anymore.
I'm obviously just in a bit of a rut right now. Maybe when - IF - the weather ever improves, I'll cheer up. I just really miss home. My family, my friends, my house, my city. Everything seems so long ago and far away.
I started crying because I got an invitation to my 10 year high school reunion, and of course I can't go. I always looked forward to that, ever since graduation, and now I'm missing it. I wouldn't mind missing it if I was happy here. But I don't feel happy. I always considered myself a happy person, but lately... I just need to get out of here. I don't want to go home all bitter and joyless.
Okay, enough of this miserable, depressing post. I have to go teach kindergarten. Maybe the cute little kids will give me lots of hugs. That always makes me feel good.
15 comments:
Hey.Im looking to teach english in china. Ive heard of web sites that teachers go onto to review thier experiences. Do you know much about that?
manders... you schitzo! yesterday\'s post started..."I had a great day today! School went well and I was in a good mood for no apparent reason. All my kids seemed smart too, which made me feel like the bestest teach ever. Woohoo!"LOL! dont worry you\'ll be back soon enough... plus do you really want to see people that you went to high school with... there is a reason why you dont stay in touch with those people... because you didnt like them in the first place!if all else fails... play the game where you make up conversations for people that you seee on the street, but have no idea what they are talking about! it always makes me happy, when i cant understand whats going on!I hope you got lots of hugs and are feeling better! im sending some sunshine from Cali to you! hoppe you get it soon!
When I went to school in England and France many, many moons ago, I wanted to come home every day. Now I often think about how amazing it would be to go back. Your time will pass quickly there and you will be better for your experiences there. Good wishes to you.
Hi, I hope you feel better soon!! I\'m sure you will....I\'ve read your other blogs and they seem very happy....I know these little ruts all too well, trust me, you\'ll come out of it!! I\'ve added your space to mine so that I can come back and visit all the time :)X\'s&O\'s,LeeLee
I know what you mean about "ruts" and the crappy ass weather always seems to make things worse. I completely understand about the hugs from the kids. Nothing brightens ups a bad day like one of them asking to be picked up. Anyhow, try to cheer up! Take care.
Give me your address. I will send you pork in the mail.Unless they have pork in China. Then I will send you something else. Something non-China related. Like a tiny Jesus statue, or lemons, two things which China has none of. As is my understanding.Have you ever watched the judge shows in the morning on cable? That\'s one very good reason to be pissed off at North America. I am watching Judge Hatchett right now, and I would honestly rather be on a polar ice cap, making love to penguins or seals, in lieu of being here.Oh no! Sweet and sour pork! They do have it there... and it is more delicious than any Canadian pork. Curse you China!!! Now I will have to insert Jesus in a lemon for transport across the sea...Feel better... and so forth...
Greetings from DJ Shorty\'s pad!!! I\'m sorry that the weather sucks in China right now and that you aren\'t having fun!! Nooooo good!! Come back to the states and hang with us!! At least you know you have some friends at MSN spaces!!! Thats a definate plus and....we all rock soo....no worries! I\'ll be back!
I had a similar sort of time in Holland- after a while I just hated everything and wanted to leave- homesick to the max. I got over it eventually though (like in a week) and realised that Holland is one of the coolest places around and that I was so lucky to be there!I hope the kiddies cheer you up!SMILE!
Awww....hope the sun comes out soon and it embraces ya like never before!!!! Cheer up girl..soon enough you will be home (won\'t ya??) Big (((HUGZ)))
being far from home sucks out loud girl... i know how you feel.
Hey ...that\'s what we\'re here for ... stay strong ..just a bump in the road... he he ..what\'s one year?
aww that sucks.. but just think how many kids you are helping there.. and remember that you are doing a great thing!!
i know exactly what u r talking about. i feel the same way sometimes - i moved up North (temporarily)to deal with family issues. I have made no effort to make friends, that isnt why i am here. Im sure that i could be happier being here if i put in any effort but that would stray from my original plan. Some days it\'s so sunny and warm, (much funner to go to the park when its sunny) and Connor runs his little heart out and it would be impossible to feel miserable. Its just even on the best days there is still that underlying "i just wanna go home" feeling. The bad days just make it surface quicker......hang in there - remember, 75% of the people u graduated with probably wont show up anyways and the ones that do will be the ones you dont even remember.......Keep in mind, back at home you are missed every single day too, so u dont have to be out of country to miss someone. Your cyber family loves u and i know that i always find comfort in their kind words and actually brighten up when i read them.Anyways, just thought i\'d let u know you werent alone...lol....i guess u already know that but u know what i mean.....MetroLiving has a test about Smarties on her site.....maybe that will make u feel better...:))))) <----that is a really big smile.
Awww, honey. Gawd, I feel awful for getting so busy...it\'s alright. I know it\'ll pass.
I felt the same way in Mexico, isolated from everything yet at the same time glad to be there. When I made trips back to Montreal, I appreciated everything so much, it wasn\'t funny. Walking into a store, asking for something, and being understood. My spanish did pick up after awhile though.I\'ve just spent like, forever going through your photo albums. Great pictures!!!
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