I feel very blah right now. I'm sick of feeling this way. There's a lot about living in China that I like, but right now I just want to get the hell out of here. Actually, is that even true? I keep saying there's lots I like, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I just keep telling myself that so I don't feel like I'm wasting a year of my life being here.
I'm lonely here. I hate not being able to communicate well. I hate not being 100% independant. I hate not having a big group of friends around. Sure I feel all proud when I have a minor conversation with someone, or accomplish some insignificant task. But I want to really talk with people again. I just don't have the energy to put in the effort that's required to live here anymore.
I'm obviously just in a bit of a rut right now. Maybe when - IF - the weather ever improves, I'll cheer up. I just really miss home. My family, my friends, my house, my city. Everything seems so long ago and far away.
I started crying because I got an invitation to my 10 year high school reunion, and of course I can't go. I always looked forward to that, ever since graduation, and now I'm missing it. I wouldn't mind missing it if I was happy here. But I don't feel happy. I always considered myself a happy person, but lately... I just need to get out of here. I don't want to go home all bitter and joyless.
Okay, enough of this miserable, depressing post. I have to go teach kindergarten. Maybe the cute little kids will give me lots of hugs. That always makes me feel good.