39 weeks... ready and waiting

One week from due date. They originally told me February 6th, but turns out they meant February 8th. I know two days doesn't really make a difference, and it's just an estimate anyway, but man those extra two days til d-day seem like an eternity has been added on! I've been doing a countdown for a couple of weeks now. And I have a feeling I'll be doing the due date + 1, due date +2 count up too. Slowpoke little lazybones baby.

I've thought about blogging about my pregnancy experiences on several occasions, but for one reason or another never got to it. And maybe it's best that way. I have not exactly been one of those people who has enjoyed a radiant glow and raved about how much I love being pregnant. I could rattle off some of the unpleasantness I have endured, but to truly capture the grim reality, I would have to be way more honest than I'm willing to be. No need to share or speak the horrors aloud. I'm sure I'm not the only one, so it can just remain a tacit understanding among mothers. Let's just sum it up and say that pregnancy can be really gross. Yes yes, it's also quite amazing, miracle of life and all that, but I was not prepared for the havoc it would wreak on my body.

But let me focus on the good stuff. One thing that continues to captivate me is watching my belly move. Basically whenever I'm relaxing at home, I have my shirt pulled up so that I can see it when she moves. For a while there were big, swift waves as she rolled and twisted and squirmed. Now that there's less room, the moves are slower, but just as enthralling. Out will poke an elbow or a knee, and just stay there (until I gently push it back in). It's creepy but so cool. I still sort of can't believe there's a baby under there.

Although I'm absolutely terrified of the whole giving birth thing (and of course nervous about the parenting to follow), I am so excited to meet my little squirmy mcgoo. Now that the finish line is in sight, I just want to get there. But I know I should try to appreciate (through the back pain, heartburn, uncomfortable sleeps, etc etc etc) that this is the last little while I get to feel her stretching and wiggling around inside me. This is the last little while when I alone carry her and feel her and protect her . Soon enough I will share her with her daddy and her grandparents, her auntie and uncle and cousins, who are all very eager to meet her too... but right now she is all mine.

almost a grown-up

No excuses for not writing. I actually had lots of things to write about lately, so I only have laziness to blame. First of all I wanted to write about China: all the things that had changed and all the things that had stayed the same. I've got some great side-by-side photos I want to post, that really illustrate what's happened in 10 years. And I still want to do that. But there is so much else to say, that today will just be an overall update on the last 6 months.


So let's start with China. Of course there were tons of fantastic experiences with wonderful stories to tell, but the one that wins hands down, is the day of rafting down the Li River - the day that Blair proposed :) I won't lie and say it was a huge surprise. We had already talked about it and decided that we would get married, so it wasn't totally out of the blue. But I wasn't expecting it then! It was sweet and exciting, and even though we both knew the day would come at some point, we both still felt giddy and nervous. So yup, of course I said yes, and now we're engaged! I never thought I'd be so enamored with a piece of jewelry, but it's so sparkly and beautiful!! And as cheesy as it sounds, when I look at it, I really do think about how much we love each other. Groan :p

mandatory cheesy ring shot

Skip ahead to the next big event. When we got back from China, I had a voicemail waiting for me. It was regarding a job I had applied for several months back - a job I reaaaaally wanted - and they were offering it to me! I was ecstatic. But things got a bit complicated when I got back to work and found out that another position I had applied for was going to be offered to me as well! The latter was a job that I thought I had no chance at, as it was quite a step up and there had been tons of applicants. I was shocked that they chose me! Anyway, to cut to the chase, after much fretting and deliberation, I chose that one. It started sooner, and it was a significantly higher position. New job!!

movin' on up :)

A week after I started my new job, my third niece was born. That was also the day I found out that I was pregnant. Pregnant! Of all the milestones, this one is the life-changer. We're going to have a baby!! This was planned; we had decided to just give it a go now and see if it happened. Neither of us care about being married first. And boom - it happened immediately! Wow, life will soon be very different. I keep joking about doing all these grown up things like buying a house and getting engaged. But becoming a parent trumps them all. Just over 4 months before I'm a real honest to goodness grown up.

12 weeks (a little alien inside me!)

All this happened in two months. I got engaged April 4th, started new job at the end of May, and found out I was pregnant June 4th. Given my normally uneventful life, that's a lot going on in a short span of time!

I'm off on a whole new kind of adventure.

blizzard day (number 2)

well, i got my wish of wanting to experience an arctic blizzard. it started yesterday, cleared for a bit in the evening, and is back even worse today. the wind is gusting to 80km an hour, and with the windchill the temperature is now at -57C. our office is closed for the day, along with much else. i went out for a walk yesterday and it was pretty cool. i snapped a few pictures, but in the 5 seconds i had my hands out of my mitts, it felt like my fingers were being crushed in those medieval torture device thumb screws. pain right to the bone!

at first i thought "woohoo, snow day!" but a few hours into it and i'm just kind of bored. i've had my breakfast, talked to a few other hotel guests, watched some netflix, done some knitting, started another puzzle (my third), refreshed facebook a squillion times, and stared blankly out the window at the indistinct building across the road.

i've purposely held off having a third cup of coffee so that i could venture out to get one later, as my big activity of the day.

i also keep glancing over to my box of wine. but it's not even noon, so i'm trying to hold off.

here is a photo journal of today's very brief jaunt outside:

there's my hotel. and you can just make out the apartments across the street.

let's go a few steps closer....

yup, they're coming into focus now. a few more steps...

there they are, the first one clear, its neighbours fading behind it.

and that's enough of that, i'm freezing. back to the hotel. still visible! 

and a couple of pix from yesterday that i like:

wind sweeping across the lake.

someone pushing their way through the wind as they cross the lake.
this is my favourite photo

and hey, look at that, it's after noon now!

soapsto- bloodstone carvings

i'm reeling. i don't even know where to begin. this beautifully calm and quiet town has shown me the evil hiding within. drugs, abuse, violence, death. i was a part of it and didn't even realize it.

one of the cleaning staff at the hotel is the girlfriend of the guy from whom i bought my soapstone carvings last time. a cute little polar bear and an innukshuk. so cool. she approached me and asked if he'd tried to sell me anything, because he had stolen some carvings from her uncle. and then she told me more.

he is a drug addict. he steals soapstone, carvings, materials, money. he doesn't want to work, just get quick money for more drugs. he is abusive. he wants her to keep her mouth shut so she asked me not to tell him we spoke. she showed me bruises on her arms. he has knocked her out, broken her eye socket, kicked her with steel toed boots until blood came out her ear, and ruptured one of her kidneys. she said she feels "slow, like a half person" since the injuries. she told me another girl committed suicide because of his emotional and physical abuse.

you aren't still with him, are you? she told me she tries to stay away, she hasn't seen him in a few days and she doesn't know where he is. but she wants to help him. she wants him to go to the counselling he is supposed to be attending (since he was released from jail and is still on probation). she is trying to keep an eye on him, and others also want him to get better. but he doesn't want to.

i don't understand it. the whole thing about the abused staying with the abuser. i don't get it at all. she knows he's bad. she knows he doesn't want to change. and yet she said that isn't really him. i tell her she should protect herself and stay away from him. she says yes and that her mother is helping her.

i hope she is okay. i hope she gets out.

i hate those fucking sculptures now.

chill weekend in rankin

haha, a weather pun.

but i'm not going to waste time talking about the weather. it's cold here. the end.

today i had a lovely relaxing day. i woke up and watched the american/russian hockey game while having coffee and a bagel. then i did a couple of crosswords with more coffee. finished off a puzzle with another coffee. not surprisingly after all the coffee, i felt a little antsy and needed to get out of the hotel. showered and bundled up and headed out to nowhere in particular.

i decided to go visit alice (aka: my mitten maker). yup, i just popped by. well first i popped by the wrong house, and was told that alice lived next door. oops. backtracked one house. her daughter and grandson were there too and we had a nice visit. i apologized for just showing up but they said that's how we do it here, and to come visit again.

wandered around town a bit. went into the two grocery stores. no, not to buy anything, just for something to do. but really, there's more than just groceries. the Northern is like a mini department store, with clothes and groceries and toiletries and sofas and washing machines all squeezed into the size of my normal safeway.

walked down to the edge of town and sat down on a snow mound for a while, just enjoying the peace and quiet. then headed to the arena for the raffle. talked to a few people as we waited for the draw. didn't win anything. oh well.

came back to the hotel and made myself a grilled cheese sandwich (which i burnt) and some sweet potato fries (which i also burnt). just watched Blackfish (about killer whales in captivity) and it was quite sad and disturbing. now for some red wine and my knitting. ahhhh...

i can't believe i still have a whole other day off!

the compliment

my brother has been joking that my blog must be broken because no new posts are showing up. haha. if only I could blame it on technical difficulties! but alas, it's just a loss of creativity and lack of things I feel are worth writing about.


but today I have a little something I want to jot down. something that makes my heart swell with joy. I feel myself so touched that I have to share it.


As you know, I taught English in China for a year. That was back in 2005. Somehow, I managed to keep in touch with one of my students, who was just 7 at the time. I've always been amazed that she has continued to email me over all these years. I mean, she was just a little kid, she's more than doubled in age!


today I got a wonderful email from her (and not just because, after I sent her a recent photo, she said I hadn't changed and still looked young - although it certainly didn't hurt the ego). She told me that she was going to the US for university and how excited she was. She remembered how she was upset as a kid that she had to learn English, but that now she was glad. And then it came: she said that honestly, I was the first teacher that got her interested in learning English.


Wow. This has made my day. No, more than that. I will think of this whenever I feel down, and it will lift my spirits. I am so moved, and so honoured... I don't know if I've ever felt something like this. I inspired someone. I made a difference in her life. of course I'm not taking credit for everything she's accomplished or the path she's taken in the last 9 years, but now I know that back in the beginning, I was able to spark something in her. She always told me that I was her favourite teacher, but I just thought she was being sweet. I guess I didn't realize that I really could have an impact. What an amazing feeling. I hope all teachers strive for this. To motivate someone, to awaken a desire to learn - is there any greater reward for being a teacher?


That and the holidays.

farewell nunavut!

down to my last few hours in rankin inlet. i've been jotting down reminders of the things i've liked and disliked about staying here, and the like side wins by a landslide.

things i love about life in this little arctic hamlet:

• i love the sunrise and that i am always awake to see it
• i love the colour of the snow at different times of day. blue, pink, orange,  white.
• i love looking away from town into absolute darkness
• i love the silence, except for the sound of dogs barking somewhere in the distance
• i love that no one knows their address, but everyone seems to know who lives where
• i love that people give their phone numbers as just 4 digits, because the first three are always the same
• i love shared taxis
• i love that there are no sidewalks
• i love how trucks and skidoos just made their own roads. why go around the lake, when you can go across it!
• i love all the homemade parkas (i can never brag about knitting my own scarf again)
• i love babies in hoods (amauti is the inuit coat the mothers wear - the babies look so cozy!)
• i love wearing snow pants. this is something i plan to do at home, fashion be damned!
• i love that it's like a town full ofsouthpark kennys walking around. nothing but eyes in hoods
• i love having to do that full body swivel to look to the side.
• i love that i'm "from down south". winnipegger = southerner. weird
• i love the friday night bingo on the radio that everyone plays
• i love the sense of a close community and that i have temporarily been a part of it.

things i won't miss:

• dry skin. seriously, i slather on coats of lotion and i still feel like my skin is cracking.
• all the static to go along with the dryness
• brain freeze from the outside in. that's where the cold hits: right between the eyes.
• coffee. oh my god i am just so sick of it. everyone drinks coffee all the time. i have been havnig 4 cups a day, just because it's the thing to do.
• coffee-mate. drinking 4 cups of coffee and i don't even have cream!
• the evil giant ravens. they just hover and circle above me, like they are waiting to pick at my frozen corpse. man, they creep me out
• the constantly drippy nose
• wiping said drippy nose with the wad of frozen-snot kleenex that is always in my pocket
• my eyelashes freezing together when i blink.

actually, i like that. i'm moving freezing eyelashes to the "i love" column.

well kids, that's it, i'm outta here. flying south the rest of the winter :)

a wonderful arctic weekend

what a wonderful weekend! it started off with a walk up the hill at the edge of town to watch the sunrise. i stood on the hilltop, the wind blowing, snow drifting across the rocks like they were steaming,  and everything glowing pink as the sun came up. the world was so quiet and beautiful.

i could see this every morning and still be in awe

i went to the community centre and put a couple of tickets in to win some sealskin mitts... alas, no luck. but a lady gave me her number and said she could make me a pair. then i checked out the Matchbox Gallery, a little art shop and studio, where a couple of people were working on their sculptures, followed by a bite to eat at the sugar rush cafe, a cute place with 50s diner decor. Finished my poutine and headed back out to see the sunset. later in the evening, someone on the rankin inlet facebook group posted that they were having a bake sale, so i decided to go. i wandered around, trying unsuccessfully to find the address. i asked a few people if they knew where it was (giving the address) but no one knew. finally i asked for her by name and was pointed to the right house! it was a bit odd knocking on a stranger's door. and even odder when a young man answered the door, and i had him and 4 kids in the background staring at the unknown girl in the doorway. everything was pretty much gone except for some buns and bannock, so i bought some bannock.

today there was a real highlight. i made arrangements to meet a woman and her mother to look at some mitts her mother made. when we went in the house, two elderly ladies were kneeling on the floor, cutting up a big chunk of frozen caribou with ulus (curved inuit knives). there was also a young couple and 3 children in the small house. they were all very welcoming. the mother didn't speak any english, so her daughter translated. we chatted for a little while, and she showed me the mitts - too big :( she told me how the older ladies really like eating the frozen caribou because they have no teeth and it just kind of melts in their mouth. then she asked if i would like to try some. Yes, i would! i have never eaten caribou before, let alone raw, frozen caribou, carved right in front of me. It was good. it didn't really have any flavour. but it did just melt in my mouth. she even offered to give me some to take home, which was so kind. they have lots of people that needs to feed, and i didn't want to take it from them. the visit with them was definitely one of the coolest things i've done so far.

sweet adele and some frozen caribou meat

this evening i went for a drive with a teacher i met. we drove just a little ways out of town, and wow, it was something else! away from the lights of the little town, the stars sparkled in the night sky, and utter blackness was all around. we stopped the truck and stepped outside for a moment. oh, that wind! i think it must have been gusting at about 80km/hr or something. i could barely open the door, and once outside i could only stand with my back to the wind, it was so powerful. we only lasted about 60 seconds and i had to get back in the truck. i thought my face would peel off out there! god, how could people survive in that?? the final stop was a tour around the dump. it was surreal, like a post-apocalyptic landscape. first there was the stretch of oil drums, and then piles of abandoned frozen trucks, mattresses, coils... it was extra eerie in the dark. no polar bear sightings, just a large white rabbit darting across the snow (perhaps it was late for a very important date).

all in all, a fantastic weekend. i can't believe it's my last!

a light breeze

i looked out the window across the lake, and was taken aback to see that the world was going in reverse! snow was gusting across the lake and i could see four people heading north, all walking backwards. Step by step they plodded into the past, like someone had hit rewind. like when superman flew so fast around the earth the time rolled back! The illusion was ruined when a snowmobile zipped across, going in boring old regular forward motion. but then it was out of the picture and we returned to backwards land. It really was sort of surreal to watch. Briefly one of the four turned around and tried to walk straight on into the wind, but quickly spun back around and resumed his blind trek.

and no wonder; that wind stings! i barely had any exposed skin, but where the wind did hit was like thousands of little fingers pinching me with tiny nails. i want to say it's like being pelted in a sandstorm, but i have no idea what that feels like. maybe if i ever experience it, i'll say it's like the wind in rankin inlet.

but now i'm home, stripped down to a normal amount of clothing layers, enjoying a glass of red wine, and perfectly cozy.

10 days in, 10 degrees colder

My second weekend in Nunavut. Funny how when i first got here i posted a screenshot of the weather at -30, thinking that was cold. oh for a day when the windchill was only -30! the the actual temperature is now -31, with the windchill making it -43. It's been like that every day. i check the forecast regularly. it's predicting that next week sunday will get up to -27. oooh, nice!! seriously, that sounds nice. oh how my standards have changed!

anyway, friday nights the big event in town is Bingo. people even come in from other hamlets to play. so of course i joined in. everyone goes to the community centre to buy their cards, but the game is played over the radio. i had dinner with my supervisor and co-worker, dabbing along excitedly as the numbers were called. i was getting pretty giddy on the big bingo as i was only 3 away... and the pot was $15,000! oh well.

because it is a small town, my co-worker knew almost every winner that called in. Oh that's Laurie from downstairs. That's my cousin. That's my aunt. that's my other cousin. probably would have been pretty awkward if i'd won. people would be thinking, who the hell is that? she's not from here! damn southerner taking our winnings! haha. it was a fun night, and seeing as it's another $15k next weekend, i may just have to play again.

Today is the big craft sale. i'm looking forward to it; hopefully there will be something cool i can get for a souvenir. and again, people from all around the area will be coming in.

ooh, yesterday there were three polar bears just on the outskirts of town (at the dump). my co-worker was going to have her husband come get me to go see them, but he said they were already being chased away. but really, they were pretty damn close to the town, and thinking about my little solo walk last weekend, it turns out my polar bear fears were actually not all that irrational. my co-worker said she was chased by a bear about a year ago. how shit, how terrifying. i think i will have to reign in my inner explorer and keep safety a bit more at the forefront.

one final note. i think i'm going to rejoin facebook. 10 days of the isolation up here and i think this may be as good a reason as any to get back on. it's all about staying in touch and sharing with friends, right? well, seeing as i've got no cell service and can't even send a text, i'm feeling the need to reach out. how else will they know that i'm in such a cool (pun, har har) place?!