processing the unexpected

 

we go about our daily routines, grumbling about work or the weather or money or people. we forget how precious and tenuous life is.

 

we had an emergency meeting today to tell us that one of our co-workers had passed away suddenly on the weekend. i just spoke to him on friday, our normal banter that i always enjoyed. he was a very nice man, always calm, always friendly. and now, without warning, he's gone. i'm thinking about all that i have to be grateful for. most of all, all the wonderful people in my life. i have a wonderful family, terrific friends, an amazing boyfriend. so much love.

 

my mind is bouncing around, not really settling on one thought. just fragments. i'm thinking of the day michael died. i'm thinking of my mom. i'm thinking of stupid arguments with my dad. i'm thinking of the future with blair. i'm thinking about the life forming in my sister's womb.

 

people touch our lives in so many ways. sadly, it often takes the lack of their presence to appreciate it.

festive green vomit

 

so tomorrow is st paddy's day. i really don't care. oh yay, let's dress in green an drink green beer and get trashed!! wooooooo! why does everyone make such a big deal about this holiday? even if you're not remotely irish! but no no, everyone is suddenly all about the emerald isle and celebrating the splendors of alcohol. stupid. hey, i like booze just as much as the next person (probably more) but i feel irritated by this stupid holiday of dancing leprechauns and novelty hats and inebriated morons shouting to some "i'm 1/64th irish, this is MY DAY!!" bullshit.

 

actually, i think i just feel irritated in general. i don't want to talk to anyone. and given my foul mood, i doubt anyone would enjoy talking to me.

work frustrations

 

ARRRRGGHHHH!!!!!!

travel buggy

 

blair and i were talking about traveling last night and i got all itchy to hit the road again. i know it wasn't all that long ago since i had a month in israel, but i'm ready for another adventure! of course, seeing as i've been so many places, i want to go somewhere obscure. but blair hasn't done much traveling so he thinks picking a destination like uzbekistan or macedonia would be weird. but i love going to the weird places. the places that would make people say "you're going WHERE??" but i'd be content with going somewhere more common. i'd even go back to one of the places i've already been. i just want to go somewhere! i don't know when we'll get a chance though. and i suppose i'll have to be satisfied with the typical 1-2 week holiday. i wonder if i'll ever get the chance to go on extended travels again. are my roaming days at and end??

birthday musings

i don't really have much to muse about, but i've got 25 minutes to kill
before the online jeopardy test begins. yup, i'm an uber-nerd, working
my birthday plans around taking a test for a quiz show. but it'll
totally be worth it when i beat ken jennings' record as all time
jeopardy champ and undeniable trivia guru.

so my birthday has been pretty good so far. both my mom and dad called
and sang me happy birthday this morning, as per long standing
tradition. i had a nice walk to work. i had a good day for calls. i was
taken out for a couple of beers after work. and now i'm waiting
anxiously for the jeopardy test. alex trebek is looking right at me as
the clock counts down. 18:00 minutes to go, eek!

and of course i forgot my glasses at work. i NEVER forget my glasses,
but it's inevitable i would on a day i want them. but now when i fail
miserably i'll just blame it on poor eyesight.

alright, the waiting is driving me bonkers. i'm going to pace around for a bit. wish me luck...

happy new year

so here we are: 2009. time sure is zipping by these days. have i really already had this blog for 4 years?? yikes.

new years was nice and quiet this year. i went for dinner with a whole bunch of good friends, went back and played some board games around the fire, and then my boyfriend and i went back to his place around 11pm, where we played cards and watched the ball drop in NY. it was very enjoyable.

this has been a full year. i think back a year, and it seems so long ago. the newness of my job, the people i was hanging around with, it's quite different now. and what highs and lows this year! the wedding and traveling around israel, michael's death... but i don't feel like reflecting too much at this moment. right now i'm very content with where i am, and i'm looking forward to the potential of this new year. things are going well for me. work is satisfying, i've got a great family and terrific friends, and now to put that extra twinkle in my eye, i've met someone who makes me ridiculously happy and who loves me. yep, life is grand. i think 2009 will be a good year.

tears of joy

 

not all the crying i hear is bad. yesterday i spoke to someone for nearly an hour who was crying in gratitude for all the help i gave. today i came in and there was a bouquet of flowers on my desk. a thank you from the person i'd spoken to, who had then talked to my supervisor to tell her what a wonderful job i'd done. it made my day. yep, it's times like this when i love my job and i know i'm doing something really valuable.

 

back on the phones i go :)

tis the season

 

ugh, this is such a miserable time of year to have my job. working for employment insurance can be trying enough at any time of year, but at christmas time... yowza, a whole new level of awful. don't get me wrong, i like my job, but it's hard when i have to tell people that they don't qualify for benefits, or they've used up all their weeks, or for whatever reason we just ain't paying them anymore. there's yelling, there's tears, there's despair. not fun.

 

so you can imagine what it's like around now, when people are desperate for money, waiting waiting waiting, hoping they get a payment in time for the holidays. and here i am, the heartless voice of "the man" on the other end of the phone, telling them that no, probably won't being seeing a cheque for christmas. i hate it. it's not all bad news. i've been very helpful to many people who thank me for doing so much for them and wishing me wonderful holidays. that warms the heart. the ones that yell don't bother me too much. they want to take their anger out on me, it's not personal. i don't feel much anxiety over them. but the weepers... those are the killer calls. i offer my sympathies and apologies, but i hang up feeling sad and drained.

 

on the up side, having this job makes me grateful to have all that i do have. not just a secure job, but my health and the health of my family too. that's a hell of a lot more than some people have.

so far so good

 

there's a new boy in the picture. i quite like him. he's the one that i wrote my unenthusiastic "first dates" entry about. i went in with no expectations, almost irritation at having to go through all those dating motions. but we got along so i saw him again. and then again. and again. and suddenly i was seeing him all the time. i don't even know what precipitated the change. where was the tipping point? oh well, who knows and what does it matter! we have fun, we have good conversations, he plays trivia games with me and makes me dinners. plus, he isn't an older divorced man with children, so hurrah! yep, he seems... normal. but not BORING normal. i feel so bad rereading my note about our first date!

 

so that's my news. i'll let you know if he turns out to be a nutcase with mommy issues or something.

i don't wanna work

 

it's been a while, and i have nothing too interesting to report. i just got message emailed to me, reminding me of some extra training i have to attend on saturday morning. Boo! i think it's safe to say i will have absolutely no desire to come in to a 4 hour meeting about IT stuff, first thing on the weekend. yuck. on the upside, i suppose the 9am meeting will keep me from behaving badly on friday night. maybe i won't need the extra incentive to be good, but it can't hurt to have it as backup.

 

well, break is almost over, i think i'll read a few pages of my book before getting back on the phones. "a short history of progress"... quite interesting.